Have you ever been exhausted from being strong, from acting like you have it all together and from being everything to everyone?
Have you ever thought that you didn’t particularly set out to be this kind of person, yet it seems through the bitter choices and the sweet idealisations of not wanting to let anyone down, you found yourself worn out and lost, wondering if someday someone would be there for you in all the ways you’ve been there for them.
Perhaps it happened by mistake because the biggest irony is that when others look at you they see you as strong. They see you as competent and able, but inside you would never label yourself with those qualities because while they see you as surefooted and steady, you are shaking inside.
Every morning despite your exhaustion, even when your shoulders slump, and your eyes become clouded from tears of feeling things too deeply, you breathe in and tell yourself that it will all be okay, whether you like it or not. You tried, you really did.
You’ve been trying to be strong since before you realized that people like you were called, or that you had your own genre: The strong, independent, self-sufficient person. It sounds nice, doesn’t it? And you guess when you’re told that’s what you should become, then it’s no surprise that you manifest those qualities. But, the problem with being this over-simplified definition of a person is that the world believes you.
You haven’t met one of these people who, although many would describe you as such, doesn’t also long for help, for guidance, for leadership, for someone to just fall against at the end of the day. Someone you can rely on, knowing that you don’t have to be anything other than your beautiful self.
The truth is you can sit here with your glass of wine saying you don’t need anyone or a partner, but the reality is you wouldn’t be saying that if you weren’t trying to convince yourself of that fact.
The lesson we can all learn is that there is no shame in needing someone. There is no fault in saying, I can’t do this life thing all on my own. There is nothing wrong with thinking that two strong hearts are better than one.
You are tired. You are tired of living up to this ideal person. More than that, you’re simply tired of being strong. You long to be taken care of, not financially, for that sort of thing has never turned your head for very long, but you want a strong arm around your shoulders , someone who can hold you down, no matter the storm you endured that day.
You are done pretending anything. You are done with pretending that you’re so formidable. You’re simply done with being strong when the reality is, more often than not, you feel like you’re not being yourself and playing a charade.
That’s not to downplay who you are and what you deserve as a person, but there’s also something to be said for embracing who we are and what feels the most natural for us. There’s something to be said for being soft.
These words are those that we run from for so long because it seemed they had a negative connotation. After all, you were supposed to aspire to lead the ranks and smash the glass ceiling, right? It wasn’t supposed to be enough for you in this life to simply love and be loved. You spun your own misery by successfully pretending that you are strong. Everyone eventually believed you. When that began to happen, a sore opened inside your heart with the devastating knowledge that you could only fake it for so long.
You give up, not because you have failed, but because you have learned. Can you do anything, or be anyone that you need to in that moment? Yes, but does that mean you mean to? No, you can’t do it all. At this point you are done trying.
You are done being this infallible person who seems to be able to do anything, and whether it’s in the workplace, with family or friends, even your role as a parent, you just can’t do it any longer.
You can’t pretend that you have this ability to do it all, and not just that, but with a smile on your face. You can’t pretend that you don’t need anyone to help you, that’s all you want.
Life isn’t about faking it till we make it, it’s about letting ourselves to be real with what we need and want and then being willing to bleed for it. Perhaps, as more time passes, you become immune to being someone that others only want to see, or maybe the reality is that you’ve grown exhausted from pretending that you’re strong. It’s not that you’re weak, but sometimes it’s those of us that are the strongest that end up needing someone the most.
Don’t we all need someone who’s just a little bit stronger than we are? Someone who can kiss it where it hurts and hug us like nothing else matters. Someone who can remind us that we don’t really need to be that strong all the time.
CHIOMA HENRIETTA OKOLI
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